Infertility Treatment - The Family Factor
Family support can do wonders for infertile couples
In this 21st century, science is all set to touch the sky
and has bestowed the infertile couple with the latest technology -IVI, IUI and
surrogacy to fulfill their dreams of parenthood. But still there are many people
in the society who think that infertility is not an open topic. Infertility is
treated to be women’s problem and she is the major culprit if she is unable to
beget child. The word ‘ barren’ stands synonyms for such women and they are
expected to undergo the scrutinized eyes day and night. Though it’s the known
fact that men are equally responsible in all the reported cases of infertility,
women are prejudicially blamed by the family.
Grief of infertility haunts the childless couple day and night.
They grieve at the loss of such baby which they have never ever seen. They
crave for that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes. But each month, they still hope that somehow miracle
may happen and they will conceive naturally. No matter how strong they prepare
for the bad news, they still hope that this month it will be different. The
support group to these childless couples - their family also believes that only
keeping faith in God, will at the end give positive results. Unfortunately when
this process happens month after month, years after years, it’s like deep cut
getting deeper right when it starts to heal.
The talks about the fertility treatment in family is considered to
be bad idea or religiously wrong probably because no one else in the family has
uptill now undertaken such treatment . The relatives tradionally hold women in
the infertile court and make her realize that reason for the sadness which persists
in the family is ‘she’ herself.
With so much communication campaigns around the world about infertility,
there are family units who still think that ‘Test Tube Baby’ means baby
prepared and grown in test tube. They also fear that the child who takes birth with help of fertility
treatment are not normal and will be unable to lead a normal life. They hold
strong believe that if couple will go for infertile treatment then pain will
increase and bank account will deplete. The social and pear pressure is also
one big reason for them to not extend their support.
To put halt to the hullabaloo in the family, the couple ultimately
resolves the infertility problems in one of the three ways- either they will eventually
conceive or they will not go for fertility treatment and will choose to live
without children or would find an alternative way to parent a kid maybe by
adopting a child. There is also a
possibility that if they have a strong feeling to become parent of their own
biological child they might go against their family and head forward for an
infertility treatment.
Family support can do wonders for infertile couples. The journey
from infertility to fertility needs emotional support. Generally family members
are hesitant and don’t know how to face such situation and hence land up saying
the wrong things, which turns the journey of their infertile loved ones harder.
So it becomes essential that while interacting with these childless couples
think twice and atleast remember these points before sharing their sorrow so
that you even unintentionally do not increase the pain but only lessen it.
Half the battle is won if you know what not to say. Avoid telling
them to relax, don't minimize the
problem, don't say there are worse things that could happen, don't say they
aren't meant to be parents, don't ask why they aren't trying ivf, don’t
question them if they are pregnant this month or not, don't complain about your
pregnancy, don’t be crude, don't treat them like they are ignorant, don't
gossip about your friend's condition, don't push adoption (yet), let them know
that you care, support their decision to stop or start infertility treatments.
Infertility facing families grows closer
and explores ways to provide support, compassion and understanding in the midst
of the turmoil of profound loss and despair. They address the despair of this
unwanted loss and emotions of infertility as a whole, not simply on the
individual or couple. They sit and openly discuss the involuntary childlessness
which is interrupting the family life cycle and exchange views about what the
affecting couple requires for their journey to bear child. However , challenge
of handling infertility which is so daunting and draining for even healthy and
strong family is not so easy. The pain of watching the drama in which your
loved one is suffering and there is very little which you can do from your side
may piss you even more resulting in ‘collateral damage’ that lingers long.
There are also situations, when parents of infertile couple feel
trapped between their infertile child and their sometime pregnant child.
Significant emotional support is expected from them by both the sibling at this
crucial point in life. Mostly in such cases it has been observed that for
variety of reasons, many parents’ ends up extending support to their ‘pregnant’
child than the infertile one. It’s quite
clear here that they must be attracted by grandparenthood which brings happier
and enjoyable moments than infertility which brings depression, sadness and
bundle of negative emotions.
Infertility should be dealt by the family members in such a way
that each member feels acknowledged and respected, despite of their egos and
differences. Family and friends have to remain sensitive towards the pain,
stress and emotional pressure of the childlessness. Be cognizant that there may
be many junctions in the infertile journey which will be more difficult such as
unfortunate ‘miscarriage’, failed IVF cycles or surgery that fails to give
desired results. Family member’s emotional and financial support can bring
peace and healthy atmosphere in the family. Involving and encouraging couple
for other household choir might relax them. Do not forget to respect the
boundaries which the infertile couple set. Some may prefer open approach while
some may be hesitant and prefer a high level of privacy. Always ask them about
their preference in case of any doubt.
Article published in IVF INDIA MAGAZINE with byline
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